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9.

    A small glass of water rested in-between Dani’s now bare legs. She wondered how it got there and where her jeans went. Her throat felt like it did during those strange dreams; pierced by fangs. Remembering her etiquette classes, she let out a pained, croaking sound as she said thank you. Water spilled into her churning stomach.

     “What time is it?” Dani’s voice rattled as she spoke.

    “Five in the morning.” Roxy sat motionless on the couch wearing workout leggings, a sweat-stained shirt, and tennis shoes. Her expression was blank. Dani couldn’t recall the last time she had seen her in anything other than pjs or her usual large band t-shirt and boy jeans. A backpack that burst at the seams and a suitcase, which sat on the floor in front of it, interrupted her slow attempts to process the outfit.

     “Are you going somewhere?"

    “Dani, we need to talk.” Roxy’s voice echoed in a strange way.

    Dani rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings. The rug was missing. The bookshelves, which Roxy filled with books that Dani never felt comfortable reading, were gone. The walls were blank.

     “Please don’t.”

     “Don’t make this hard. I deserve for you to handle this like an adult.”

    “Was it adult to ignore your girlfriend when she was sick in the ER? I had to walk home from the hospital.” Spite and desperation fought for dominion of Dani. The sensation felt as foreign as the voices that filled her throat hours ago. She stared into Roxy’s eyes hoping she would find some remorse.

    Roxy’s expression was unreadable. “You didn’t have to walk home, Dani. You could have taken the bus.”

    “That’s not fair.”

    “Out of respect for the times our relationship was good, I chose not to vanish. Before you do anything rash, I need you to know my dad is waiting outside.”

    “I’m not a fucking monster.” Dani had never tried to sound angry while using her girl voice before. The voice training classes she took always seemed to center around how to sound pretty and sweet. Anger doesn’t belong to trans women. The exercises taught her to suppress those feelings when she spoke. The pain that coursed throughout her battered body may not have been inflicted by Roxy directly, but Dani couldn’t help but blame her for it. It felt like Roxy forced her to walk home to gain the upper hand.

    “You broke the door! You broke our table! Something is wrong with you, and it’s not your health. You’re emotionally unstable and I don’t feel safe around you anymore. You need to work on yourself Dani, and I’m not going to be around anymore to do it for you.”

    The postnasal drip made Dani cough. The sound was low and unfeminine, which in turn made her cry harder. “Please don’t go. I need you. You’re my Roxx.”

    “Don’t call me that.”

    Roxy broke eye contact with Dani, and then continued speaking, her voice now totally monotone. “I hoped we could handle this like adults. You clearly can’t do that for me. I paid the fee to break our lease. I sent the bill to your email. I’ll be adding the security deposit for the door if you don’t fix it. You need to have your stuff out of here in a week. Don’t contact me unless it’s about the apartment.” Roxy stood, grabbed her luggage, and headed out the door. It made a strange sound when it slammed – hollow from the chunk taken out of it.

    The little bit of water Roxy gave Dani dripped down her cheeks and welled up as snot in her nose; the last bit of tenderness between them. The moving truck roared to life and sped off into the early morning. Dani forced herself to walk over to the door. The damage she caused made her sick. Walking back through what was left of the home she had with Roxy, Dani passed the cheap full-length mirror that she bought back when she started transitioning. Roxy had stored it away while lecturing her on how society forces women to show off how they look. She must have pulled it out while packing. Dani’s skin looked strange. It had a pale, bluish color that made the thick visible veins that climbed up and down her body even more obvious. Her face was so bloated it was almost unrecognizable.

    Dani peeled herself away from gawking at the horror of her body. It was too late to fix any of it. She peered into their bedroom, growing dizzy as she traced the empty space that once held the only bed she had known for years. A few pillows without their cases were left in its place. The cruelty of leaving the couch for her to sleep on almost made Dani laugh, if her throat had been capable of making any more sounds. She lined the pillows up in the vague shape of a sleeping mat, dumped some of her clothing on it, and laid to rest.

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