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4.

    “Roxx, could you look at my eye?” Roxy winced as Dani’s voice broke the silence. Dani didn’t think her voice was that loud. She took a deep breath and added a timid, feminine “Please?”.

    “Why?” Roxy remained perfectly still on their old leather couch, making no gesture to indicate she was listening for Dani’s response.

    Roxy hadn’t put her book down or addressed Dani the whole evening. Silence marked the living room as Roxy’s territory, relegating Dani to the kitchen and bathroom. It wasn’t always like this. A year ago, Dani coming home late would have elicited some sort of response. Back then, she broke down in front of Roxy less. Now, with the silence shattered, she allowed herself to inspect the other girl. Roxy sat sideways on their old leather couch in a pair of PJ pants and a tattered Smith College sweatshirt. Even draped in a blanket wearing clothing that had never been washed, she was still beautiful in a way that made Dani’s heart ache. That ache made Dani a raving lunatic back when they met at a DIY show half a decade ago.

    For most of Dani’s life, her attempts at dating never panned out; the girls she pursued could smell her barely repressed femininity. It never bothered Roxy, who seemed to enjoy how much their relationship confused people. What they had was eerily like the protective way Dani’s mom used to be. Perhaps that should have made some alarm bells go off in the young, impressionable pre-transition Dani; she was too intoxicated with the feeling she got whenever her girlfriend towered over her to acknowledge it. All of this reassured her that Roxy would respond well to her transition. However, the more she looked like a woman the less Roxy seemed to enjoy their dynamic.

    “I… um… think something is wrong with it? It looks weird and I keep having visual things.”

    “Floaters?”

    “I think so.”

    Roxy sighed and slowly marked her page with an old receipt. She held that position for a minute, as if physically unable to unstick herself from her book, before turning to address her panicking girlfriend.

    “Alright, come here.”

    Dani hesitated and eyed the beat-up couch Roxy was cuddled up on. It was a gift that Dani’s mom got for her college dorm room. She didn’t sit on it anymore, not since her mom stopped talking to her. While Dani was still in the throes of losing her mother, Roxy decided that it didn’t go with any of her other furniture. During the presentation of possible replacements, Dani had one of the worst meltdowns of her adult life. This gift was the only evidence that her mom hadn’t always hated her, and even if she couldn’t use it, losing it felt like giving up. It was the only time she had ever gone against one of Roxy’s interior design projects. The out-of-place couch never came up again, and their evenings became quiet.

    Roxy cleared her throat, pulling Dani out of the little rip on the side of the couch which revealed its yellow, foamy interior. Dani reluctantly sat next to her. As she did so, Roxy scooted away, leaving space between the two of them. At this distance, she would be able to see the pain in Dani’s expression. It was too late to hide, so Dani pointed to her left eye and kept quiet.

    “Hold it open for me.” Roxy pulled out her phone and toggled the flashlight on. She inspected the eye for a few seconds, carefully avoiding any physical contact. This was the closest they had been to each other in months.

    “The veins look w-“

    Roxy shut off the flashlight and stood up. “You’re just dehydrated. It’s nothing.”

    Dani let go of what she experienced at work and in the woods.

    “If it doesn’t go away after you hydrate, maybe talk to your doctor about it.” With that, she retired for the night.

    Dani wouldn’t be sleeping; her expulsion from the bedroom was never explicitly declared. In their relationship, it didn’t have to be. As soon as Roxy shut the bedroom door, Dani sprung from the couch and moved to the kitchen table. After an hour of mindlessly switching between three different social media apps that she never posted on, she worked up the energy to get up and grab some water.

    Doctor’s orders, she thought. Water dripped out the sides of her mouth, spilling onto her shirt. Roxy wasn’t wrong that she didn’t drink enough water. Dani was just suspicious about it being the cause of all her problems. Placing the cup next to the sink, she realized that it was still full of dishes. Her bitterness turned towards herself. It was too late now; she’d have to wait until morning. Three glasses of water later, she walked into the bathroom to see if her eyes had gotten better. Following her panic attack at work, she resolved to avoid mirrors until she got Roxy’s opinion. Their brief conversation did nothing to calm her down, but it was time to check it again anyways. She held her breath and leaned over their sink to inspect it. Maybe Roxy was right.

    Nope. It was getting worse. The large vessel had split into four. On the other side of her iris, a different one had begun to split and grow. While she didn’t have conclusive evidence, she vividly remembered how it looked that afternoon.

    Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The strange vibrating sensation and “floaters” crawled back into her vision. She paid attention to them now. They didn’t feel like floaters at all. She had those before, when she got too high or had her blood drawn. Whatever this was, her vision appeared to move in time with the strange sensation of something pushing and stretching her eyeball. Her view of the bathroom shuddered, distorting and changing color. Dani tried to stop crying.

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